HAIR TYPE

Is Your Friend Equipped To Be Your Advisor?

Do you have a friend that always wags their trusty index finger in your face about your love life and what direction you should go with it? All friends are not qualified to give relationship advice. Again I repeat, ALL FRIENDS ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO GIVE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE! When seeking advice one must always consider the source. For example, when someone wants a loan they seek out a reliable source that has the funds to lend a loan. People do not go around asking broke people for money. 


Men: When you're hanging with your homeboys and discussing what stage your relationship is at with your girlfriend, try to refrain from seeking advice from the rotten apples in your bunch. If your homeboy is married but unhappy and secretly wishes he was still single, he may not be the best source of advice. He will probably put a wee bit of pressure on you to still hit the streets and "f&*# the hoes." Hopefully you have a strong mind and can sense when the crabs in the barrel are trying to pull you down. First of all, he is probably a little jealous of your "freedom". Secondly, always remember that jealous people are usually unhappy people and you know misery loves company. Or,  a group of your boys are always teasing you about how you're spending too much time with your girlfriend. Isn't one of the reasons she is your girlfriend because you wanted to spend more and more time with her? Plus after a certain age the whole O.C./"bro's before hoes" pledge has to be put to bed. Understood men need that male camaraderie, ok thats completely understandable, but everything has to have a balance. Remember your friends can't take care of you, love you, bare children, or be your backbone like your woman can. Eve came from Adams rib, not Tom, Dick, and Raheem! LOL

Women: I know y'all didn't think I wasn't going to give the real to y'all ladies? I cant leave y'all out. Ok so as women we automatically look to our girls for advice about relationships. We too have to be careful of who we look to for relationship advice, especially because by nature some women are a tad bit cattier than others. If your best friend is single, unhappy, and president of the local male bashing club, talk to your self in public like a crazy person before you even utter a word to her. You know that the first thing out of her mouth will be, "Men ain't sh#&!" Always remember to refer to what you know about your so called advisors personal situation before you seek their help. Friends that are in a good place in life and are a source of positivity for you in other areas will most likely give you non-biast advice. 

Ladies, remember that your relationship with your man is so much different from your relationship with your homegirls. Your man provides a certain intimacy that your friends can never fulfill. Try to find a healthy balance between time with the girls and your time with your honey. 

Remember in a relationship the best person to talk to about how you're feeling is the person your in the relationship with. No one else knows more about what y'all go through together than the two of you!

Team Positive

I wanted to encourage everyone to stay positive this coming school year or on your new/old jobs. When you are being bashed over the head with negativity, take the time to say, "Thank You." I am thankful for being given the opportunity to start graduate school. It was something that originally I never wanted to do but a very important person encouraged me to pursue the goal. Recently I wrote down a list of goals and things that I wanted to make happen for myself. The first thing on that list was pursuing a graduate degree. Although I was hopeful and prayerful about the goal I didn't expect for my very first thing written down would come to pass so quickly.

This has solidified for me that there are great things to come for me. Yes, nothing in this life comes without hardships but in the end I am sure it will all have been worth it. My daily affirmation when faced with a trial, tribulation, or any form of negativity will be to use it as a tool for self-motivation. Every trying time and unkind word spoken to me will be the fuel to me continuing to build the foundation of  better life for myself. I am going to use it to obtain the ultimate goal, being TOTALLY independent. I will make it happen. People always say that when your at the bottom there is no place to go but up. That is exactly where I am headed.

Is He Cheating or Being Emotionally Unfaithful?

The male mind is something that can be very tricky for women to understand. I suggest women take the over flow of emotions that they identify with when trying to understand a man's actions and throw them to the waist side. Place yourself in a very realist borderline pessimistic frame of mind. As we all know, I'm pretty sure the guys will agree with me, men are visual, physical, and sexual by nature. It is apart of their make up to be "hunters" and that these characteristics are all animalistic, I understand the possibility as to how men can physically cheat without being emotionally unfaithful.

SCENARIO I:
Lets paint a picture so that you understand what angle I am coming from. Let's say Brian is out for a night on the town with the boys. While at the club he meets a chick, they exchange a few words and phone numbers. After the club Brian meets up with the chick, has sex with her, gathers his things and goes home to his girlfriend, Sheila. Brian never acted differently towards Sheila and she never found out.

In this scenario, Brian's actions were purely physical. He didn't see the random chick in the club and think, "Oh bump Sheila. I think I just met wifey!" No, his "Johnson" saw something that it wanted and he got it. Brian doesn't love Sheila any less than he did before. He physically cheated. For some men, this act of physical infidelity is minuscule in comparison to being emotionally unfaithful.

SCENARIO II:
Ok so Brian has been promoted at work and is working in a new department at work. He meets Tina who he will have to work closely with on various projects. Over time, Brian and Tina become good friends from working long hours and numerous work related lunches/dinners. Brian and his longtime girlfriend, Sheila still hang out but over time she feels as if he is becoming distant in their relationship. Brian and Tina have shared personal stories and experiences with each other time after time. He starts to feel something for Tina that he is not so sure he feels for Sheila anymore. Brian is unsure what his feelings are exactly but he knows that what ever it is he feels for Tina is overshadowing what he feels for Sheila. He thinks about Tina more and even texts her when he is around Sheila. He doesn't know what to do.

Now in scenario two, it is obvious to see that Brian has become emotionally attracted to and attached to his co-worker Tina. Men are not initially emotional creatures, those are emotions that are acquired over a period of time. During that time Brian, whether deliberately or subconsciously, made it a priority to spend time with another woman other than his girlfriend Sheila. His growing attraction and bond with Tina affected Sheila in a way that she noticed a change in their relationship. A woman can feel when her man is leaving her with an emotional vacancy. Brian was being emotionally unfaithful. He has made an emotional investment in Tina and their friendship.

Although both acts are deplorable situations to experience but we all wish things could be done unto us as we would do unto others but life is full of trials and tribulations. Which would you be able to forgive, your man physically cheating or being emotionally unfaithful?

Running Fast

Moving

Moving quickly through the phases of life

Anticipating the beautiful

Colorful 

Glowing and special changes life has to offer

Working hard

Very hard so that not only will your future with money prosper

but your family

Imagining the fairytale moments known to children

The big castle with the prince on a white horse tucked away in never never land

Living happily ever after

Paying it forward to the man struggling on the street

Glancing

Waving

Smiling at every person that by chance you should meet

Making your parents proud doing what they intended for you to do

Doing all the things they planned for your life the day they bestowed a name upon you

A name that you say with pride

A name that sets you aside from everyone else

The name that you would yell in a sea of 10,000 men with no plans to hide

No plans to hide who you are

Where you have come from

Or where you are going

Being the person that no one has any qualms about adoring

In this life you have grown

and now you stand tall

Taller than those who have tried to push you down

BREAKING POINT

Once I saw that my hair had broken off this much, I couldn't take it anymore. I had reached my "breaking point". So I prepared myself mentally for my B.C. (big chop). I had made up my mind to let go of the length (which was the relaxed ends) and become confident with shorter, HEALTHIER hair! July 3, 2010 was a day of empowerment. 

This is the day I got my hair cut, July 3rd. I loved it, cute lil bob...

Now my hair is at the density that I wanted and always longed for. I will continue to baby and nurture my hair. In the future I will post progression photos of my hair. 

A Moment Of Pearl

Curly Pudding Review

The Sensual Kiss

The power of a kiss is unmeasurable. A kiss can end a heat argument between lovers, soothe ones spirit, cause a skip in someones heartbeat, or seal a commitment that will last forever. Whether it is a bird peck, eskimo kiss, forehead kiss or a french kiss they all can ignite an intensity. The mere act of a kiss can be considered as endearing, heart felt, and passionate. When you kiss the right person and the correct moment, each time can be engrained into your memory. 

If your chemistry with that person is well balanced the kisses you share can be magical. Whether it is the first kiss or the one on the way out the door this morning, they are all memorable. If a kiss is really good and sensual, it can leave you think about it periodically through out the day. The art of kissing has been thrown by the waist side. Either people share kisses with random people or they have forgotten about the power of a kiss. 

Remember your first time with your significant other, didn't it all start with a kiss? I highly doubt that memorable and progressive moment in the relationship started with one of you rushing to get down to "business". There are so many couples that have forgotten to kiss one another. It's an easy way to read your partners tempo for how things will go later on in the evening. Whats the rush anyway? Its a fun way to elongate and explore each other.

Toxic People

Have you ever had an acquaintance, friend turned "frienemy", or relative that deserved to have this picture as their contact photo in your cell? There are some people that just ooze negativity and are an instant kill buzz. I wonder why is it that we keep these toxic people around. It's strange that sometimes the most negative person you know seems to have nine lives with family and friends.

Personally, I have a very small group of friends and that is primarily by choice. I chose to do a "cleanse" of those I felt served no purpose in my life. When I felt people were takers and never givers in the friendship I had with them, I quickly cut them off. If someone wasn't returning the same positive vibes I exuded out into the universe, they were cut from my team. You have to be on a constant path of positivity to be apart of my life. If you're going in a certain direction in life I would think you would want to surround yourself with like minded people. Just because you have known a person for a certain amount of time doesn't guarantee them a spot in your life. 

When you look up one day wondering why your drained after talking to a friend because you felt as if you have been talking in circles, it isn't hard to figure out. Some people aren't at a point in their life where they are comfortable enough with themselves to be open minded, motivated, and supportive of others. When I pledged into my sorority, I learned that I have control in every aspect of my life. Something so simple had never been clear to me before that process. So if I have control over who is in my life and if I don't like how they treat me, then why keep them around? If the mere act of talking or interacting with someone is mentally draining on a regular basis then that means they were only meant to last a season in my life and not my lifetime! Positive thoughts+positive people+positive actions= POSITIVE RESULTS!!!

The Forehead Kiss

Many women are baffled by what the true meaning of the forehead kiss actually is. In the movie "The Best Man" Taye Diggs character made the "forehead kiss" his signature. From what I could gather from his reasoning for doing the forehead kiss was to limit intimate interaction. He never wanted to become "too" close to the women he surrounded himself with. The kiss was sweet yet distant.

Personally, I find the forehead kiss to be endearing and thoughtful. It can represent his respect for you to not attempt to slobber you down everytime he attempts to kiss you. It is a sweet gesture in my eyes. By nature most men are not affectionate in the same manner as women. Yes, some men like to kiss, touch, and feel but most times it is because they are in the act of an intimate moment. I think women are prone to give their spouse a kiss in the cheek.

I did a search of "forehead kiss" and to my surprise it is hot topic. One of the websites I clicked on had a video of a guy and girl duo who gave relationship advice http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Other-Questions/10647-what-does-a-kiss-on-the-forehead-mean.html. They think the forehead kiss has two meanings; the guy wants to keep you in the "friend zone" or he is doing it from a fraternal point of view. I don't understand why someone would date a guy that could be confused about being interested romantically or from a father perspective. If you do, seek counseling to find out the root of that problem. Wouldn't most guys who want to keep a woman in the "friend zone" limit almost all physical interaction if that was his motive? Why kiss a woman anywhere or at anytime if you're trying to keep her in the friend zone? The kiss has a different meaning for different people. To each his own!

My 'Fro Woes

As I sit in my bathroom after washing and conditioning my hair, I become frustrated! Since becoming a naturalista, I have had failed attempts at achieving a curly like afro. My hair is too soft to make the rounded off look I see so many natural divas rocking!

I have tried it all; air drying, diffusing, scrunching while diffusing, etc. I have flat twisted, braided, two strand twist, three strand twist, bantu knotted my self crazy. Nothing will work. Don't get me wrong, I love my curl pattern (3b,c,4a) but I want VOLUME,  VOLUME, VOLUME, and MORE VOLUME!!! I am becoming obsessed but from I am learning from the 1,000 and one natural hair gurus on youtube, is that when traveling on this natural hair journey I have to be patient. Although it has been more than two years since my last relaxer I am still de-programming my mind from the instantaneous changes that I was accustomed to that came from the "creamy crack" process. I have to accept that my natural curls require an abundance of T.L.C.

It is a constant process. Some say, "A" is for afro but right now I feel as if "A" is for aggravation! Maybe one day when Im not trying to make it afro like it will take shape on its own. Do you think its possible? Lets cross our fingers.

I did a braid/two strand twist combo yesterday after washing.After washing, deep conditioning, and detangling with the denman brush I sectioned my hair off and braided the roots. Next I two-strand twisted the ends. Added coconut oil and let it air dry. After drying over night, I separated each braid/twist and lightly fingered through it.

As you can see from the look on my face I was not all that pleased with the outcome. I think its cute if this was the look I was shooting for but thats not the case. I was attempting to stay away from the "mushroom" look.

The Heart Beat

His essence is intoxicating
He is a visionary
His drive for the finer things in life are not done boastfully
Acting in silence
Working ever so diligently to build a palace


A place where the very being of his unquestionable manliness will dwell
A place where he will eat good
Live good
Love well
A place that he will build rooms on top of rooms for when my belly will swell

The very sound of his voice is exactly what my ears have always been waiting to listen for
The answer to prayers I have yet to pray
His words encourage me
They purify and keep my soul in a constant state of clean
His words have a hold on me
Those words explore my mind as if it were his fingers tracing every inch of my body

Forever growing and helping to expand my view on this world
Understanding and relating to my struggle
Knowing the trials and tribulations I face because my skin is similar to color of when caramel begins to boil
Walking side by side
Never leaving me behind
Through his heart I find the true meaning of how one should be kind

How did he convince me of his greatness?
Well, that my dear  as you can see that can not be explained in just one line.

His Lady...His Everything

Can you love him enough to be more than just his lady?
Can you be not only his lady but his lover?
His wife
His girlfriend 
His "friend girl"
His homie, his stylist
His "potna", his biggest fan
The one to tell him on his worst day that he's still the man


Can you be his teammate?
His nurse and doctor 
His professor


Can you be the one that he can count on?
The one that he knows that when the chips are down, you won't fold
The one that can assure him that his deepest secrets will never be told


Can you be his chef?
His first choice for the mother of his seeds
The one he will gladly let lead
His spiritual companion, and so much more
Again I ask, can you love him enough to be MORE than just his "lady"?

The End of The Honey Moon

Aaah a new relationship can be a great time. The beginning stages are typically referred to as "the honey moon" stage. When you first meet there are long talks, passionate kisses, lots of hugs, in depth talks exploring one anthers soul and so on and so on. But what happens after that comes to an end? The two of you are comfortable or maybe for just one of you the newness of the relationship has worn off. 
This is a time when creative thinking and resilience of the two people in the relationship is CRUCIAL! As a couple you have the foundation already but now is the time to continue to build on that relationship. In order to grow together, you have to share life experiences together. Relationships require work, lots of work. For example, when you're working on a team project at work you have to communicate. Thats how you reach your goal and complete the tasks along the way to get there. 
When people become comfortable with one another, they forget to remind each other of what made them attracted to each other, what they cherish most about one another, and what has kept them with one another. Humans, not matter how unselfish, crave validation. No one wants to feel like the high school out cast who said to the cool kids, "Hey would you hang out with me?" At times one may feel like that. 
No matter how much a barrel of fun you may feel you are, if your significant other doesn't look at the time spent together as something they enjoy but more as a chore can be a blow to someones ego. Does this happen because the time spent is taken for granted? Does the honey moon end because one of you has become bored with the relationship? Whatever the answer may be in various situations, ALL relationships go through high and low points. Hopefully the bond, attraction, connection, and love is strong and genuine enough to withstand these times!

Who the **** is Bruce Springstein

6 Creative Ways To Keep Her Happy

1. Mental Stimulation
Guys, you can instantly put a smile on her face by sending a text message or email that is thoughtful, sweet, and a little dirty. Send her something that will stay on her mind through out her day at work during those boring meetings or those afternoon play dates with the neighbors' kids. Women love and appreciate it when their men can stimulate their cerebrum. Remember the mind controls the body. Stimulate her mind and you're guaranteed to have stimulated her in other "areas" as well.

2. Edible Loving
Instead of merely cooking her a dinner (which is always appreciated) try something a little more intimate, create an exquisite meal together! If you have a few bucks to splurge, go to a cooking class together. It doesn't necessarily have to be a cooking class geared towards only dinner, maybe a pastry/dessert class.
If you're trying to make her smile but trying to stay recession free, you can do this at home too. All you'll need is your DVR, the Food Network, and the necessary groceries. If you have a favorite TV personality on the Food Network you can record one of their shows you have previously viewed to use as the cooking guide for you and your lady. When she comes in from work or has put the little one to bed, tell her your plans for making a romantic dinner for two, by two!

3. Revive The Chivalry
When your out at a fancy schmancy restaurant open the car door, the restaurant door, pull out her chair, and let her sit down before you do. To really add an extra touch of "old school game" to the evening out, when she excuses herself to the restroom, stand when she leaves and re-enters. Your grandfathers used this to keep you're grandmother all these years, so it must work, right?

4. Tune Her Into A Tune
The power and accessibility of the internet can be used as a one of your methods to make her blush. If the two of you are behind a computer at a desk at work all day, you can dedicate a tune to her via internet. If you both listen to the same internet radio station, when a song that is your favorite or her favorite is on air, shoot her an email to tell her the song reminds you of her or it explains exactly how she makes you feel. Another internet wooing tool is youtube. Email or text her the link to the love song that is dear to your hearts.

5. Please Her 101
If she has been busy lately and you know that list of things that she hasn't had time to complete, do some of those tasks for her. While she is napping, if she needs her car washed or her oil changed be a sweetheart take care of it for her. She'll love the fact that you turned something so practical into a loving gesture!

6. She Wants That Old Thing Back
Remember when you first began dating one another and you couldn't get enough of her kisses or touch, bring that back. When she least expects it, kiss her like you used to, passionately. Women love to be kissed, it is a very intimate and sensual act. Plus if you start with a passionate kiss, she'll bring some old things back that she used to do early in the relationship!