Power Struggle

Relationships between a man and woman vary from person to person but with in every relationship there is a power struggle between significant others. I was once told that the person who doesn't have as much of an emotional investment holds the power with in a relationship.

Naturally, when in relationships and emotions begin to run high, ones protective walls begin to come down. In the process of someone becoming more and more comfortable with their significant other, someone can become vulnerable and let down their guard. What happens when this only happens on one end of the relationship? What if their emotional investment is not equally yolked?

To not have those feelings reciprocated from that special someone can really hurt. It may not be done blatantly to put up road blocks to ward off your love coming their way but when you begin to wonder why someone may not feel the way you feel or want to see you as much it can be difficult to understand. Ok, yes depending on that persons past experiences in relationships they may be a little more guarded when in a new situation. If this is the case this is where clear lines of communications have to be established because when things are left up for interpretation it can be disastrous. If you cant speak freely to one another, why be together? You don't get into a relationship to keep secrets. You get into a relationship because you have a genuine cosmic attraction to that person.

There are some people who play on others emotions because they know they have the upper hand in the relationship. Now that is just mean and childish. Hopefully no one is experiencing that because thats trifling.

My mother always told me that a relationship works better if the man is into the woman more than she is into him. What do you think? It is true that some men easily become bored. This is understandable since men are "hunters". Once a lion hunts its first prey it doesn't loose its urge to hunt even after being put into captivity at the zoo. I guess that is why zoologist continue to find new ways to engage the lion. What can women do to keep them engaged? My best guess is to just continue to be yourself.

In relationships despite the natural power struggle, everyone has played the submissive role before. Relationships go through phases and despite whether it is a high peak or a low peak, one of the two people will switch roles from time to time. I think the key is to have both parties be strong where the other person may be weak. Remember relationships, dating, and love are a hell of a roller coaster. Know what you're getting your self into.

Can You Hear Me Now?

Have you ever had the unbearable feeling to scream, "Can you hear me now?" Many of you make think that I am referring to the shoddy cell phone service we all experience from time to time but I am not. Sometimes you can talk to someone, whether it be your family, friends, or significant other, until you are damn near blue in the face. After you have done all of that yapping, you still seem to feel that they have not heard what you are saying.



There are times when we must all speak with our actions because words have so little value in todays world. A woman can tell her man that she wants to spend more time with him a thousand times but he may not "hear" her until she finds a new hobby to pass her time. Sometimes people do not hear your words because they may have their own issues they're battling with in the realms of their minds or they may take your words for granted. If someone is dealing with something personally, thats understandable but wouldn't it be nice it they could just say so instead of throwing the fake ear to you? Just speak up people. On the other hand if that person is taking your words for granted then you have a problem Houston. No one should ever become too comfortable. Everyone knows the old saying, "Tomorrow is never promised." The one day that someone goes unheard could be the day they were on edge.



The number one thing I love about my mom above everything else is that whenever I needed to talk to her no matter what it may have been about or what she may have been doing at the time, she always listened to me. She never made me feel as if I wasn't being heard. Thats why until this very day I believe she can proudly say that she knows who her daughter is. There are a lot of parents who didn't leave the communication lines open with their children and have no idea who their children really are at the core.I guess growing up with someone so willing to listen and who taught me how to be a sincere listener, may be the reason why it shocks me when others aren't the same.



Parents listen to your kids, if you won't the wrong person will. Siblings attempt to hear one another out. Friends lend an open ear because you never know if your friends are on edge. Boyfriends/girlfriends listen to your significant other because that's a great way to show your love and appreciation for them because their words shouldn't be taken for granted.

Let's Make It Happen!

There are somethings that HAVE to shake. I am going to kick my job search and life change in to full throttle. Tomorrow when I awaken I will make my to-do list. It will have my goals ranging from short term to long term. First thing on my list is to purchase a book, "Write It Down, Make It Happen", that I heard from one of my favorite youtube gurus, Shira J (SugarfreeTV).

Shira J of SugarFreeTV
My life change will come in small changes. I always believed that when people try to change everything about themselves and their situation over night it's not a "true" change, it's a temporary adjustment. Since I want great things, I must search out great opportunities. My bf told me the other day, "If you shoot for peanuts, you get peanuts." None of us can go through life wanting things that require us to give our all, the best of who we are but only put forth little effort to obtain it.
I encourage everyone to start this life change with me tomorrow. Take a piece of paper and write down your goals, the things that you want to happen and the things that you will MAKE happen from now on. Remember don't let things happen to, you make things happen for you!

Kinky Curly Wave Coarse Coils

My natural hair journey began fall of 2008. I had had enough of the "creamy crack"...yes I too was addicted to the harsh chemicals of permanent relaxers. I had my first relaxer when I was 12 years old, maybe even younger. I begged my mother to let me get a perm. When she finally gave in that was my first disappointment with chemical relaxers. I had fallen in love with the "Just For Me" commercials. I thought that once the relaxer was applied to my hair, it would cascade down my back like the little girls on the boxes and commercials.

After the stylist applied and washed the relaxer from my hair I touched my hair saying, "Where is my long hair?" She responded, "What are you talking about?" I said,"On the commercial the girl gets a perm, it shoots threw her scalp and then her hair goes down her back." The stylist chuckled at my description of the after affects of a relaxer. I will admit that when I think about it now I have to laugh at myself.



Over the years my hair grew some but it never retained the length that I always longed for. When I was in my sophomore year in college I found a new stylist in my college town and for the next two years she helped to guide me on my hair care path. At that time I was getting a relaxer maybe twice a year and I had hi-lites in the front of my hair. It grew to be a little past my shoulders.

In my last year of college my hair began to break off only on the left side. At the time I thought it was due to over processing of my hair with the coloring but I later came to the conclusion it was a combination of that and stress from school. If someone is severely stressed out it can affect your hair significantly. I was in my graduating semester with 18 credit hour course load, held two positions in the chapter of my sorority, worked, and was in limbo about what to do post graduation. So I had to start cutting my hair slowly to even it out. Then one day I made up my mind to not get anymore relaxers.



I didn't do a B.C.(big chop) like most naturals do when embarking on this road. I continued to do my regular roller wraps and had my ends clipped regularly to rid my hair of the perm. Recently, I cut about 3 inches of remaining perm off. Now it is completely natural. I still have to adjust to wearing my hair in its natural state in a much shorter length than what I am accustomed to but I am learning.



There are so many different products, techniques, youtube video gurus, hair styles, and opinions that can aid in caring for transitioning/natural hair. I still have no clue exactly what my hair type is. I think it is ranging from 3b to 4a.

I am still learning what my hair likes and what it will respond to. A friend told me that I am a product junkie. There is a lot of truth to that. As a natural it is so easy to become obsessed with finding products that work best for your hair. I encourage all of my natural sisters that the most needed things for maximizing natural hair growth are PATIENCE & TLC

Where Is The Black Love?

Love is an emotion that every live thing on earth craves. Whether it is a plant or a person, we need love, we long for it! Regardless of the fact that everything and everyone may not express it orally, we all know this is pretty much a fact.



The African-American community, in its yesteryears held its pride in the fact that black love and family were pillars in the community. From what I can see over the decades the make-up of a traditional family structure has deteriorated. Black love it seems to be something rare and almost unattainable in todays world. It's not rare or unattainable, it is something that is naturally embedded in our DNA but we have forgotten its benefits and purpose.



Seeing a beautiful, well adjusted, supportive black couple makes me smile. Black men love black women in a way no one else can and vice versa. Black men understand the struggles black women undergo in this world because not only are they a person of color but they are WOMEN. Women in general deal with misogynistic treatment from some men during their life time. Black women play such a strong role in the family structure as mothers, wives/girlfriends, counselors, cooks, seamstress, teachers, etc. Black women understand the trials and tribulations black men experience trying to make a name for themselves in this world. Black men provide the source of strength and the much needed foundation the family structure strives off of. They are providers (emotionally and financially), fathers, husbands/boyfriends, coaches, handymen, teachers, etc.



Black love may be hard to find because in more recent generations we have all sub-come to the "me" factor. In todays world, the corporate and entertainment arena, so much of it is geared towards encouraging people to maintain a certain lifestyle. This lifestyle in many ways always has an underlying "me" or "I" factor. I rarely see advertisements showcasing the "us" or "we" factor. Hell people in corporate America work for some companies that don't offer insurance to cover their employees families. That automatically erases the "we" or "us" factor. It's a crying shame that families cant even be in a common state of health together. This theme of selfishness has encouraged people to only think of themselves.



Most of our grandparents and great-grandparents were married with children by the age of 25. Sometimes I wonder what the secret ingredient was back then to have their marriages last 30, 40, or even 50+ years?


Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis
Married 60 Years
As the new generation in our community we will find our own way just like our elders did before us. Hopefully we will all find our own "Ruby Dee & Ossie Davis" type of love. It will happen for more of us if we think of love, relationships, dating, and marriages as a partnership instead of the old "ball and chain". Remember two heads are always better than one!

Natural Curly Hair Flat Ironed

Brown Beauty

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GRADUATE SCHOOL: SHOULD WE OR SHOULDN'T WE?

A little over a year ago I graduated from my beloved Southern University A&M College. As an incoming freshman from the mid-west, I was super excited about the next four years of scholastic success that I was ready to embark upon. Over the span of those 4 years, I watched the decline of our economy and the American job market. At the end of my four years, I had been left with a despicable taste in my mouth from the horror stories of the almost irrelevant need for recent college graduates in the job market.



I thought to my self, how could this be? I did everything that was instilled in me as a young child about education but the end result is not what I thought it would be. I completed high school in the top 10% of my class and graduated from one of the BEST historically black colleges in America. According to what the "American Dream" portrays for those of us who have achieved these goals, the next step is for us to get a "good job" post graduation. Well, this phase of the "American dream" is not as easy as it was portrayed to me and I am pretty sure some of you.



When I talk to older college graduates they always tell me to go back to school. Everyone says, "Go get your graduate degree!" My disposition with seeking another degree, which is supposedly going to help me get a "good job", is that if I have my bachelors degree and I am unable to find a "good job" now, why should I go into more debt for another degree that will not guarantee me a career post graduation? Does anyone else see the problem with this?



I had to sit back and analyze the structure of an educational institution. Colleges and universities are businesses. They have ties to our government. We are told repeatedly that the more education you pay an institution, your career will flourish. A vast majority of undergraduate, graduate, and doctoral students fund their scholastic careers with loans. I think this is a vicious cycle created between our universities and our government. If we will constantly battle with paying student loans but there aren't career paths available for this "elite" group of educated Americans, how will we EVER pay the loans back to the lenders?